Vampires and Heliumm do not mix!
by grisabele
Summary: The lieutenants and Kain go to a merchant's fair, where Zephon accidentally sucks helium...and introduces his brothers to it!! To make things worse, Turel has been triple-dog-dared to get Kain to try it! And just who IS the girl in the corner, anyways?
1. The Insanity Begins

Vampires and Helium do not mix!  
  
-----------------------------------------  
  
*The scene: A merchant's fair, in the backroom by the bathrooms. Zephon, being the idiot he is, is trying to eat a balloon. All he manages to do, however, is poke a hole in it and inhale some of the helium in it.*  
  
Zephon: *high squeaky helium voice* This is pointless...HEY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY VOICE!?  
  
Girl in corner: *also has a high squeaky helium voice, coz she's been sucking helium herself* Wicked! Your voice sounds cool all squeaky like that!  
  
Zephon: *normal voice* Huh?  
  
Girl in corner: *walks over to Zephon and hands him another balloon* Do it again!  
  
Zephon: *pokes a hole in it and sucks the helium* This is freakin' awesome! I gotta go tell my brothers about this!  
  
Girl: You do that...*thinks: What a freak! It's only helium!*  
  
Zephon: *sees Melchiah, drags him to the back room, grabs a balloon and pokes a hole in it*  
  
Melchiah: What was that for?  
  
Zephon: You breathe in the air that leaks out and talk.  
  
Melchiah: Okay...*sucks the helium, talks in an even squeakier voice than Zephon* Hey, that wasn't...MY VOICE! MY VOICE!  
  
Zephon: Isn't it cool, Melchiah?  
  
Melchiah: *nods, is too scared to talk*  
  
Girl in corner: *thinks: That idiot.*  
  
Zephon: Stay here, Melchiah, I'm gonna go get Dumah.. *runs out of the backroom, sees Dumah looking at boats.* Dumah!  
  
Dumah: Whaddya want, you little freak?  
  
Zephon: You've gotta see this! It's soo cool!  
  
Dumah: *eyeroll* Yeah right...  
  
Zephon: Seriously! Just come to the backroom...  
  
Dumah: *eyebrow raise* This better be good.  
  
Zephon: *takes another balloon from the girl in the corner, pokes a hole in it and hands it to Dumah*  
  
Dumah: IS THIS A JOKE YOU LITTLE IDIOT!?  
  
Zephon: No, no! You just breathe in the air that leaks out and talk!!  
  
*Dumah does so*  
  
Dumah: *helium voice* Zephon...WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY VOICE YOU LITTLE PUNK!?  
  
Zephon: It's only temporary!  
  
Melchiah: *still scared to talk*  
  
Zephon: I'm gonna go get Rahab! Dumah, Melchiah, stay here!  
  
Dumah: Don't you tell me what to do you little--*Zephon is out of sight*  
  
Rahab: Hmm...So many jacuzzis, so little time...  
  
Zephon: Rahab! Come with me! *grabs Rahab's cape and starts dragging him away*  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------  
  
A couple of hours later  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------  
  
*The scene: The back room. All the brothers have sucked helium. They all agree that it's awesome. Except for Melchiah, who has stopped talking*  
  
Raziel: *squeaky helium voice* Hey! Let's find Kain and make him try this!  
  
*crickety silence*  
  
Raziel: What? It's not like he's gonna tear our heads off and throw us in the Abyss!  
  
*crickety silence*  
  
Raziel: Come on, guys, Kain might like it!  
  
*total and absolute silence..then..*  
  
Rahab: *sucks helium and laughs in a squeaky helium voice*  
  
Turel: *helium voice* That's the funniest joke I've ever heard!  
  
Raziel: *squeaky helium voice* I triple dog-dare you to go do it, Turel!  
  
Turel: *blank stare*  
  
Other brothers: Ooh...can't turn down a triple-dog dare...  
  
Raziel: *normal voice* I know....  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------  
  
Will Turel make Kain try to suck helium? Will Turel be thrown into the Abyss because of it? Or will Kain think it's awesome, too? *cheesy soap opera music* The suspense is killing me! 


	2. The Insanity....CONTINUES!!

Vampires and Helium do NOT mix...CONTINUED!  
  
***  
  
Turel: *bravely* Fine then! I will. Excuse, me, miss--*gestures towards the Girl in the Corner*, would you give me a couple balloons?  
  
  
  
Girl in the Corner: Sure. Hey, is this Kain guy avail--never mind.  
  
Turel: That comment really makes me wonder..oh well. *takes balloons*  
  
*The scene: The foodcourt. Kain has just ordered a snickers bar, coz at merchant's fairs in small towns in Wyoming, they do in fact sell snicker's bars.*  
  
Kain: Mmm...chocolate...*starts munching on the snickers bar*  
  
Turel: Milord! Milord! *several scuzzy looking individuals turn around as Kain does*  
  
Kain and the scuzzy looking individuals: Yes, lowly one?  
  
Turel: Don't call me lowly, you damn freaks..  
  
Kain: *gives Turel "The Look"*  
  
Turel: Umm...not you, Kain..I was talking about the scuzzy humans.  
  
Kain: Ah...what is it you want, Turel?  
  
*Turel cowers in fear*  
  
Kain: Answer me, worm, or be punished!  
  
Turel: Kain...Raziel dared me to make you try something....  
  
Kain: What, exactly?  
  
Turel: THIS! *bites a hole in the balloon and sucks the helium out*  
  
Kain: *gives Turel "The Look" again*  
  
Turel: *squeaky helium voice* Raziel dared me to make you try sucking helium!  
  
Kain: If that's all...*eyes the other balloon* Ah, what the hell. Hand over the balloon, Turel.  
  
*Turel does so*  
  
Kain: *bites hole in the balloon and sucks some helium, then exhales* I hear no difference. How'd you do that?  
  
Turel: *helium voice* Just breathe it in, but don't exhale before you talk.  
  
Kain: Oh. *tries again, this time succeeds* Oh--oh my! MY VOICE!  
  
Turel: *normal voice*It's temporary...I swear!  
  
Kain: *helium voice* You are lucky..Turel..hey! Why don't you ditch your brothers and we can go find Janos Audron and make him try this?  
  
Turel: Oookay.....wait, isn't Janos dead?  
  
Author's Voice: I am the author! I hold supreme power! And no, Janos is not dead in this story. As a matter of fact, he's helping Vorador run a booth.  
  
Turel: Oh. I see. Thanks for clearing that--hey! You're being a self- insertor!  
  
Author's Voice: AM NOT! *pouts*  
  
Turel: How can you pout? You're a voice!  
  
Kain: Turel, do not irritate the author. She may decide to turn you into a pink fluffy bunny!  
  
Turel: Does it look like I'm scared of pink fluffy bunnies?  
  
Kain: Just don't agitate the author.  
  
Author's Voice: Yes, don't. Because there are worse fates than becoming a pink fluffy bunny....*evil Vincent Price laugh*  
  
Turel: EEP! Okies, Kain...let's go find Janos...  
  
Kain: Yes...let's...  
  
Turel: That laugh creeped me out...  
  
Author's Voice: *lets out another Vincent Price laugh*  
  
Turel: DON'T DO THAT!  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------  
  
Well, Turel's lived through his little dare...but now they're making Janos try it...hoo, boy..*laughs at the mere thought of Janos having a helium voice* 


End file.
